ITS NICE TO BE HOME...I THINK?!

I have lived out of a suit case for 3mths....literally! Whether at the Hospital or at an Apt. the Ark House set us up in! I'm sitting here looking at MY 4 walls not knowing how to feel? Should I be comforted in the fact that my husbands radiation is over and we have a mth break till he starts his chemo again? Should I be nervous that hes not feeling well tonight and we are 3hrs away? Should I embrace the fact that hes doing AMAZING or should I be freaking out at what the future will hold?!

WESLEYS SURPRISE BDAY PARTY 50YRS THIS WAS AFTER SURGERY BUT PRE TREATMENT! WE ALSO CELEBRATED MY SONS 20TH BECAUSE WE WOULD BE IN DALLAS!

If you've ever been told your spouse has an incurable disease, I assure all these feelings and more rush thru your mind! You dont sleep much, you smile and put on a front and you pray, you pray alot! You pray for all kinds of things, mercy,healing,a miracle,wisdom,strength for them,you and your children and thats just the top of the list!

No, this isnt a pity post , but more of the Diary I promised earlier. If I can help someone realize its ok to be sad,mad and any other emotion they are feeling then Ive helped. If  I can help them get intouch with resources that have helped us so far ......then I have helped!

We have used U.T. S.Western in Dallas and they have been absolutely awsum! Everyone said for him to go to MD Anderson(awsum too), but after the near death experience (I kid you not!) at a local Hospital, he felt comfortable where I had him transferred and it was where HE felt comfortable! BUT, I however have been so pleased, I just cant say enough! They are in with the Cancer Centers Of America now, they DO converse with MD Anderson,Duke etc. I highly suggest them if you are in need of a Center Center!

Yes, in past post I told you of the strange people I met standing on Harry Hines on my phone, But it was partly my fault.....I didn't realize hookers also walked Harry Hines lmao! I did not realize a mental hospital with ~self check in~ was across the street along with the Salvation Army! But, you know what THOSE people helped ME!! Their story's seemed hopeless at times and they had no one who would give them the time of day much less listen! I didn't mind really....well The Charles Mansion look alike ~up in my space~ kinda freaked me out, but he ment no harm! Just wanted an ear!

THIS IS THE ENTRANCE AT THE CANCER CENTER! A BLOWN GLASS SCULPTURE

The Ark House, is a Methodist funded non profit organization that helps people find housing if receiving treatment and live further than 50 miles away! Talking about a blessing! We had been staying at the Marriott,don't get me wrong it was heavenly compared to the Hospital chair Id been in, but even at a hospital discount it was 80$ aday!  Three mths of that, co-pays EVERYDAY (Don't get me started on the whole insurance saga....60$ aday co pays),we know the chemo meds are over 10,000$ a mth, because you have to sign if over 10grand and we are definitely having to sign )= etc etc etc, The Ark House was/is our Saving Angel!! We only had to pay 15$ a day BIG difference, now I realize why hospital bills sink people quickly. The Volunteers came by several times a week to see if we needed anything,paper goods, washing powder,food etc! They also called to check on us weekly! To me they were our Angels Of Mercy and I hope to be in the position to help in the same capacity in my area one day!

THE ARK HOUSE APT!

As my night is coming to an end I must up-date you on my hubbies progress. He has Anaplastic Astrocytoma stage 3-4 with sum 1-2. For his prognosis he shouldnt really be walking well or communicating with out a delayed thought. He should have problems with his left side due to tumor location...he has NONE! His surgeon Dr Beshay, was AMAZING and removed all his tumor with no problems! So, as you can see we have so many things to be grateful for! And yes my friends we are blessed everyday hes one of 4 beating the odds so far!

WALKING INTO HIS SURPRISE PARTY HAHA

For all you caregivers, you have the right to be tired....God knows I am! I at first thought how selfish that was and when people told me to take care of myself I thought are these people CRAZY?? This isn't about ME! They were however wiser than me.....I had to learn the hard way! My Fibromyalgia went into overdrive with all the stress and I wasn't keeping an eye on it! I'm feeling better, but you'd just have to understand the disease to understand the symptoms !

THIS IS MY OLDEST BEING THE DR....TOOO FUNNY! HIS NAME TAG SAID DR PHILGUD (=

Long story short ( well maybe not lol) he IS  doing good, Ill be OK and all I can hope for is a miracle healing!  Please keep the prayers coming! He still has a long road to travel, but at this rate he will be one of  the 4 patients she writes about!  Such a Blessing!!! Glass half full kinda mentality (=

.........AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST! MY HUBBIE AND I HIS LAST WK OF TREATMENT!!!

So, just wanted to catch up and share a few thoughts,stories and pictures! This story had just began and I pray I'm  blessed with many more years to tell it! Love to you all from my family to yours (=



                                                                 I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

OLAHHHHHHHHHH

Yes, I'm back! I will be posting some pics this week on a ltl trip we took to the Coast to get away and re-group! We are going tomorrow to have Wesley's 1st appt with the Radiologist and Oncologist! After that I assume the treatments will begin!

I'm glad we got to get away for a bit and just be us two! The last time we did that our oldest was 2(hes23) and our youngest wasn't even a thought (almost20)! So, I do believe crisis mode or not it was MUCH needed AND  well-deserved lol

Miss my Blogging friends....miss all my friends...hasnt been much time for anything but Hospitals,Dr's appts and alota driving! Everyone please keep praying for a healing miracle for  my husband! Thank you so much and as this process continues I will continue with the updates and hopefully some funny stories too!

Such as......................................................................................
I must have a sign on my head that says ~I WILL TALK TO ANYONE-GIVE YOU MY MONEY ETC!~ God love 'em! I had every homeless, pre-phyco-alcoholic lonely person come to me as I would go out side the hospital to make my calls! Now don't get my wrong, I have this unexplainable empathy for these people! I have worked in the field and so many are Vets that's aren't getting their benefits or are too far gone to know how, 1 missed pay check for many can lead you down that road and some are just troubled beyond repair! This I know, BUT some are what they are and able bodied!

#1) I hear a shuffling and out of the corner of my eye I see this man walking across the parking lot! I say ~Please God let this man walk on by today!~ but, noooooo he did not! I'm one of those people that if you are closer than my arm can swing around my body....you are too close! This man was Charles Manson twin_I kid you not! But, I also have a fascination with why people are the way they are etc....I believe people pick up on that too! He begins to ask me for a smoke and starts to tell me he needed a smoke beforee he walked across the street ~AND COMMITTED HIMSELF!~ Now of course this made me a TAD  bit leery!

I was even more stressed because he was in ~My Space~ that arm reach space I was talking about!!  He began to talk of his family as if I knew who 'Bob' his dad was-'Mary' his Aunt -'Bruce' his x-lover!! etc!! He went on this elaborate story of being ust to Limos, getting into private clubs because he was 'known', how his step mom(who I was suppose to know) screwed his dad outta all his inheritance and THEN he began to cry!!! OMG I thought .....what am I suppose to do with this poor soul? He explained how his gran maw died and he was the one who took care of her and no one told him she died till a  month later! That he needed his meds to deal with it....then he got angry!

AT this point I'm trying to listen, because I know that in EVERY crazy rant there is truth somewhere!! I'm also trying to look for security and an escape route!! I managed to change the subject THEN that one wound up going into his gay escapades with ~famous~ football players.......it was a lose lose situation!

You know he never asked for money only a smoke! I feel some people JUST wanna talk to ANYONE who will listen! I did listen and i politely excused myself after his second cig. by telling him I had to go check on my husband! I wished him well told him God Bless and walked away........but yet I still cant get this man outta my mind! Was he crazy, was he ~half~ crazy?! Was anything he said true or half truths?! Guess Ill never know....

#2) Don't worry only picking 2 today lol I'm sitting out on the Bus Stop( only because no other seating) in front of the Hospital making my calls. I again see an elderly man walking my way....I hate to say this but again was thinking the same as above! (MY HUSBAND JUST HAD BRAIN SURGERY AN WAS TRYING TO MAKE FAMILY CALLS) But once again God showed me! This was a man in his 70s or appearance wise is what he appeared. He sat down and ask me if I was waiting on the bus. I explained my situation briefly and he began to talk! As he asked if I cared if he drank his beer there he began to tell me how ""That hospital killed his brother ); "" Who knows if that was true all I know is its the leading one in Texas for Brain surgery! He began to tell me that he was a builder and many times he told me ~I'm not an idiot~ I know how to build and do things others don't! The more I spoke with him or let him talk I realized he was for the most part very intelligent! He began to explain how he had an idea to build these houses and all he needed was land to put them on to make a sub-division> That the sub walls could be made outta palates...which Ive since heard is being done! I asked him if he had children and he explained how he hadn't spoke to them in yrs ...sad to me!

As he went in and out of different subjects he began to speak of his parents and how they ~werent worth nuthin~ how if he wanted to eat as a child he had to catch his own food! That he was an expert fisherman.....I just sat there and listened with so many questions I didn't dare ask, but he also seemed like he ~just wanted to talk~ to someone...anyone!!! I excused myself when the bus came telling him I had to go back to my husbands room! I shook his hand and told him it was nice to meet him and that I wished him luck in the future. He asked me if I would be back soon.......I felt bad telling him no )= ! Again, I left wondering WHY....what happened to this man, he appeared homeless, but also intelligent! But also an alcoholic, so I may have answered my own question! Maybe the demon of alcohol was more important that his business, wife and kids?! Who knows....I never will!!

There are some sad stories, funny stories and some awsum people I met as I went outside daily and I will refer to them in future post! For now that's it! God Bless and I hope these two men find peace some where in their life!